the butterfly effect

i am waking up in the morning.
You beside me/you not there.
I make breakfast for two, even though I am alone in the house;
I take it as a sign of having you in my mind/ I throw it away.
A walk. Somewhere near/somewhere far.Places I would like to visit.
Places we can visit together/ places I can have a great time on my own.
Images stretch out in front of my eyes. But I am closed to them. Every image of your closeness streams out in real time and engulfs me.
I ignore it and look ahead/I let myself in the whirlpool of memories.
A memory so real reaches out to me. As I wake up startled+you are not there, but I can hear the bathroom door opening and wait to see you through the bedroom door. As In the kitchen making breakfast. As we are walking and you just went in a shop while i wait for you outside.
I feel you there all the time/I view myself as being in a premature state of Alzheimer.
I ride my bike. I get the sensation she feels light. I miss the proper balance that makes every turn and every kilometer under my feet seem like a new adventure.
I prepare a trip where we can be together as i long for your company and the trip stops to see you smile/I enjoy the immaturity of going solo as I stride among cars with the counter at 220 onwards to the big turn ahead.
I go out. Drink. Dance.Meet people. A strange woman whispers in my ear. I hear your voice. Her face is not yours. Her body does not resemble to your figure. She does not speak of what runs deep. She does not laugh with a shared, stupid joke. She wants her own.
I smile past her to you wherever you are/I make a joke we both laugh to.
As the night comes I feel the sensation we can be wherever we are into each other. That we can connect no matter where. And that makes any moment we spend physically together more vivid and more powerful than anything.
I feel your heartbeat+the heat of your body/I consider myself a realist and awake from a dream. Waking up or dreaming. Life is a series of decisions and options after all...