εραστές στο καλοκαίρι

Δεν έτρωγαν πλέον…το μόνο που τους έθρεφε ήταν το άγγιγμά τους. Τυλίγονταν μεταξύ τους σαν δυο κισσοί που αναρριχώνται στα ουράνια. Κάθε φιλί, κάθε άγγιγμα κι ακόμα μια μπουκιά που πότε λαίμαργα, πότε αργά έκλεβαν ο ένας απ’ τον άλλο.

Ήταν μεγάλο εκείνο το καλοκαίρι καθώς πυράκτωνε τα κορμιά τους. Οι ακτίνες του ταξίδευαν πάνω τους σαν ένα τοπίο άγνωστο κι όμως κοντινό. Κάθε σπιθαμή τους έφερνε πέρα από λιβάδια που χρύσιζαν τα στάχυα, στις έρημες απόμερες έρημους, στα δάση τα πυκνά, στις λίμνες τις βαθιές και πάλι από την αρχή…Πάλι ένα διαφορετικό τοπίο. Ήταν σαν να ήξερες το τοπίο του εραστή σου όμως, πάλι σαν να άρχιζες ξανά, πορευόσουν σε ένα μέρος πρωτόγνωρο όπως κάθε μονοπάτι που είχε το όνομα σου πάνω. Κάθε κομμάτι ζητούσε την υπογραφή σου, το χάδι, το άγγιγμα, το φιλί…

Και σαν προσπάθησαν, μάταια, κάποια στιγμή να χωριστούν, μια περίεργη μαγνητική έλξη τους κρατούσε μαζί. Σε μια τροχιά γύρω από έναν πλανήτη που μέσα του συσσωρεύονταν όλα αυτά τα ξένα κι όμως οικεία αγγίγματα. Μεγάλωνε διαρκώς, μέχρι να εκραγεί και να τους τραβήξει σε ένα άλλο σύμπαν κι εκεί να δημιουργηθούν ξανά από την αρχή…

They ate no more...the only thing feeding them was their touch.They twirled into each other like vines that reach to the heavens.Every kiss,every touch was one more bite that once greedily and other times slowly the one would steal from the other.

It was a long summer, that burned in their bodies. Its rays traveled on them like a mystical, unfamiliar landscape yet in their grasp. Every inch brought them over pastries where the wheat would lay its golden head in the sun, to desolate deserts, to dense green forests and lakes deep plunging under their feet and back from the beginning all over. It was as if you knew the landscape of your lover, yet started again to learn every piece that was part of it. walking in a place that was unexplored, still had your name in every path you took.Every path that yearned your signature, your touch, your caress, your kiss...

And when they tried, in vain, one day to separate, a strange magnetic force kept them together. In an orbit around a planet that gathered all these foreign yet familiar touches. Growing ever larger until exploding into a new universe where they could be born anew...

movie scene

[Scene set in a typical apartment]

[Evening falls in the city]

Close up on the door handle, hand reaches for the knob

Cut

Internal of a bathroom in a typical city

Sun coming through the window

Yesterday someone left for another journey in a far away land

Letters being burned, so that words never find their way somewhere

Man entering the bathroom

Stops in front of the sink

Cut

Close up to the sink

Hands reach in the picture

Hands reach out of bodies

Bodies losing any proximity

Hand opening the tap

Water runs down the sink

Water being wasted for a stupid picture

Activists yell and demonstrate

Water still runs down and wasted in the sink

Thoughts still wasting in the mind unexpressed

Thoughts running like water until mind is burned

Hands filled with water slipping through cracks in the man’s hands

Quickly rushing the water to his face

Sequence repeated 4 times

Fixed posture of man in the same position and different cuts with attempts to speak

Words are in the mouth but sometimes the ones written compared to the ones uttered seem to lack in strength of penetration

The ability to speak openly without being able to back the words with actions is only human

There is a need for confirmation of a woman’s external figure’s attraction

Attraction is not shared unless a target through excessive interest is given

If excessive interest is given there is no interest for attraction

Confirmation of external’s figure’s attraction promotes involvement in a losing game

Forever bond in a losing attraction

Those that deserve our attention lose to those that actually get it

Man tries to articulate for the last time

Stops and bends over the sink

Cut

We see the back of the man and his reflection on the bathroom mirror

He closes on the mirror

Cut

Close up from the side of the man approaching the mirror

Cut

Man utters something

Cut

Man backs away from the mirror

Cut

View of the bathroom from the bathroom window

Cut

Man is leaving

Cut

Opens the door

Cut

Man walks out with thousands of tiny cuts

Last time I am playing in a movie that hurts so much he says

ανακαλύψεις[διαγραφή, καύση και αναισθησία]

Πολλές φορές πρέπει να σταματήσω τον εαυτό μου από το να στείλω ένα μήνυμα κάτι που μου θυμίζει ότι εντέλει δεν είμαι κακός άνθρωπος. Μπορεί να είσαι κι εσύ εκείνος ο καλός άνθρωπος που διατείνονται οι κύκλοι σου και να είσαι δυσαρεστημένη με το γεγονός παρότι θεωρώ ότι δεν καίγεσαι βασικά. Πάλι πολλές περιστάσεις με φέρνουν πίσω σε εκείνες τις στιγμές που οδήγησαν σε εκείνο το τέλος. Κάθε θύμηση του πόσο ευάλωτος μπορείς να γίνεις και πως όταν όλα φωνάζουν «φύγε» ποτέ δεν αξίζει να παλεύεις. Είναι τρομακτικό κάποιος που είναι τόσο καιρό πλάι σου να είναι τόσο ψεύτικος πέρα από όλα. Σκέφτομαι πως κάθε κοπέλα είναι έτοιμη να παρατήσει την σχέση της οποιαδήποτε στιγμή στην κατάλληλη προσέγγιση και με κάνει να πιστεύω πως δεν αξίζει να επενδύσω σε καμία σχέση, απλά στην κατάλληλη προσέγγιση και κυρίως στην αποχαύνωση εκείνων των άχρηστων πόρων καλοσύνης που μπορεί να είναι πιθανόν και άκρατος εγωισμός. Σκέφτομαι το λάθος να μάθω περί ηθικής όταν ο κόσμος είναι πιο απλός να μην έχω τέτοιους κώδικες. Αποφεύγω να στείλω κάποιο μήνυμα που θα παρακινήσει ακόμα έναν θλιβερό διάλογο μηνυμάτων που κοστίζει ιδιαίτερα στην τσέπη μου και στην διάθεσή μου και απλά καίω τα γράμματα και τα κείμενα που ανακάλυψα ζορίζομαι να σκίσω και να κάψω τα γράμματα αλλά νοιώθω καλύτερα στο τέλος. Υπήρχε η σκέψη της αποστολής τους αλλά προτιμώ απλά να δημιουργήσω μια ρετροσπεκτίβα σε ένα μέρος που κανείς δεν θα ψάξει ενώ έχει κάθε δυνατότητα και σίγουρα όχι εσύ που είσαι άσχετη με το internet. Ένα κομμάτι μου αναμφισβήτητα θέλει να βρεθεί εκείνος ο άνθρωπος που θα σε κάνει να πονέσεις εφάμιλλα άξια Υπάρχει τόσος κόσμος εκεί έξω που μιλά για σεξ και το καλοκαίρι και διαπιστώνω πόσοι άνθρωποι θέλουν μια σχέση αλλά δυσκολεύονται να την ζητήσουν καταφεύγοντας στο να λένε για και να ζητούν το ευκολότερο από τα κομμάτια της. Προς το παρόν δεν μπορώ να αντισταθώ από το να σου αφιερώσω ένα κομμάτι των archive που σου ταιριάζει με έμφαση στους στίχους και φυσικά στο ρεφρέν εκείνο…: fuck you anyway…

thoughts onto Nortopia

Here’s to you, on this summer’s rainy day. Sitting behind a glass as always. Raindrops crash their humid bodies against it, then slowly fade into the glass in my hands. It is a strange sight to watch the rainfall this time of the year. The elderly neighbors complain about the weather going mad. I can hear their voices from the apartment downstairs rising against the falling rain like the heat from the pavement. I can see it like a mist rising somewhere along with my thoughts. I wander if these thoughts will fade or reach into the sky dabbling into the clouds that traverse the air. They will journey, existing somewhere and I will forget all about them. Then one day just as the rain touches my head they will find themselves back inside my head. All of them I so desperately tried to get rid off. All it takes is a rain, like this one, on this summer day. Probably the fact too that anytime this happens I like to get soaking wet, rather than hear my neighbors complain. Just walk in the mist covered pavements with strange thoughts evaporating through them, tracing my walking figure and getting back at me trough the pouring rain.

The rain keeps on tapping on the roofs of the houses on my street and as anyone would wish for the sun I always wish for anything to take place this day. As I finish this wish I can feel the soft breeze stroking my extended face. Soon this caress will carry its hand across the city. I then plug the earphones into my ears so deep I can listen to the music coming out of my mouth and accelerate according to the rhythm into the rain swept streets.

And the wind keeps on waltzing through the trees in an increasing tempo. Growing wild in that Bowie song in my ears. I try to focus on the wind and leave aside all the other lyrics in the song. Maybe the wind will take away this physical attraction. Maybe I would use one natural phenomenon to avoid another. The wind breaks through everything. I can almost see it breaking through and into houses entering through the half open window shutters, lifting angry neighbors and plunging them on the street before it breaks into music and they start dancing their way on the pavement like a Fred Astaire musical. I retract the headphones thinking I have been watching too many happy American movies until I am brainwashed into dealing with wanting and hoping. I turn in the first corner I see past the lady from the 3^rd floor doing a pirouette and into the part of the street that still holds the rain. Somewhere where I will fill my head with strange alien thoughts again.

Behind the rain suddenly I see the mythical Nortopia rising through the clouds, somewhere far in the distant North. That’s my way. All eventually lead there and into the realization that people never grow. They still remain children but only games readjust to suit their needs. Nortopia: the magical kingdom, where realizations seem to happen. Where I can realize what infatuation means. Where I can translate this rain into millions of small hands touching me. Where I can see that there can only be one moment and a moment alone where this moment can be shared then it is forever gone without the certainty that it is will be the most important moment passing. Where I can understand that confirming oneself is more important than sharing a breath. Where a circle completes its turn into realizations and all end just so you can flip the page into a new fairytale.

Here’s to you on this summer’s rainy day wherever a rain may find you.

bouzoucarnation and death

I died, as I wanted today. It was the same typical day before the “godly” weekend for the average Greek. So many people pilled up again this Friday night in my would-be favorite bouzouki place, were I a devoted fan of this music. Instead it was the place where I would spend some carefree moments, lost between the misty highlands of the typical Greek entertaining club. Where the dew from the first cigarettes surfaces slowly through the tables, rising in the starlit roof. In front of the bright lights looming over the dance floor deep in the night turning into day at the debut of every light bringing musical hit. I would gaze upon the constellations on that sky as the projectors spark in the distance; I would stay there wishing a star would fall so I can make a wish. But it was like there was no supernova; life would still thrive in those distant stars and everything remained glued in its place like an unseen force kept them there in contrast to the laws of gravity. It was the same laws that seemed to be present during my journey to the lower atmosphere as I was crossing the mist, enflamed in the bright light of the blinding spotlights. The crowd was like a giant mass before I jumped. So many targets that seemed to break once in a while from the mass that was waving in this oriental oriented music. Quivering like snakes in a giant cradle, intoxicated by the sounds of the grand magician that ruled the foothills of the misty mountains of the dance floor. There were many of them with different ranks but I waited patiently for the master high priest to make an entry, anointing his disciples through the rites of his religious teachings. Spreading “the word” as the crowd would cheer in ecstasy flooding the ground he walked upon with carnations- a symbol of religious love-respect and recognition to his teachings. I saw the crowd again reminiscing in the images the psalms offered them, those of post loves and the shuttering of their heart over the loss of the prolonged sexual integration with the artist in every verse. I had to find an eligible target…

Maybe I targeted the bosom of plenty, the woman with the white shirt carried as an offering to appease the “God-Dog”. That woman standing on a table, making breast waves that fluctuated with the orchestral tempo. I probably thought of my failure to terminate my existence should it happen I dived between her breasts with a great splash that would cover the people in the vicinity with breast drops. That would be an unfitting end to drown in the abyss of those tidal waves in that titsunami or even worse to survive swimming my way to the closest island. Bearing that in mind I made a spectacular change in midair, a product of all these dance lessons that I finally got to put to good use. My stage dive took a turn as I made my way on the big Cuban cigar of a well-respected politician, swirling like a super hero around it somewhere on the label that read, ”Made in China” and with a double swing I ended smack in the face of the master priest with a tremendous speed like a shooting star, around the time he was singing: “Your love was like a poisoned bladder, you got me grounded six feet under”[a great success I might add]. The impact was so hard that our bodies melded into one. You could no longer discern two separate human beings. We became a heap of flesh, carnations and shining-glitter covered cloths…

After the smoke cleared, there was only a big shinning ball of many unidentified objects. Like those balloons filled with helium that your parents bought you in the fair along with caramel apples. We felt we were rising on the air flying towards the big light-stars with an increasing speed. It was all so bright, like a big star going supernova. We closed our eyes…

In what I thought was the next day I opened my eyes. I was bathed in light and beautiful angelic like creatures in white gowns seduced me with their continuous rhythmical moves. Cherubs with black wings swirled in front and around me. I felt my body shining in the divine light and I sensed the touch of rose pedals on my face. Then my lips moved all by themselves in a praise to the lord all mighty…

“Your love was like a poisoned bladder, you got me grounded six feet under”

Indeed death is not the end. It is merely the next step to a different world…